It has been always my dream to become financially independent. I planned but every time I asks for signs, it doesn't always feel right. Something always stopped me from doing what I was meant to do in the very beginning. I don't know if it's fear, doubts, uncertainties or all of them.
When the time comes that I needed to do it. To stepped out in my comfort zone, to finally took the risk, I feel whole but limited.
I didn't know that stepping out in my comfort zone could this be hard. Not hard because I have to balance work and studies but hard because there would always be people who would always root for my failure. People masks as friends and people who pretended they care but wishes you to fumble.
Forgive my grammar errors. I have tried really hard to fit in. To be one of them, to listen, to be friendly but it did nothing. People judge you base on the surface and not within, and I can do nothing about that. Their perspectives are theirs, and even if its not true, I have no control over it.
I just wish they could try to put their situation on my shoes and feel the daggers that was thrown on me when all I did was become myself.
I hope they understands that we are all different individuals. What seems easy for them might be a whole world to me.
I bleed every time when I was treated like something they couldn't stomach. Why was I trying so hard to insert myself in a circle that I wasn't even feel welcomed at?
How could I explain to them that all I want are not mouth that spits judgments but ears who listens and heart that's genuine?
I did nothing. I've done nothing wrong, but maybe that's not what they have seen. Maybe that's not what they have thought and that's okay because that's their life.
It's hard. All I wanted was to feel comfortable. But it's okay, people are people.
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